I'm waaay too Vulcan sometimes

So today during a work meeting, the presenter had an epileptic seizure. At least, that's what it looked like from 15' away - the presenter complained she was feeling a little ill, paused for a second... then another second... until her face went blank and started slumping over in her chair. Fortunately, her colleague caught her before she fell onto the floor. 10 seconds later, she came to with a perfectly placcid face and told everyone that she's fine - she's just feeling a bit ill. As we all politely ended the meeting early, I noticed that she started sobbing as we filed out. I guess she didn't realize what happened and the disorientation had set in. From what I could tell, she suffered a petite mal seizure, possibly triggered by the stress of presenting to a bunch of people she didn't know.

What I found interesting while introspecting was my own cold demeanor. I sat in the opposite corner of the conference room with a few rows of chairs blocking my passage to her, not to mention the large conference table. When she mentioned she was feeling ill and became silent, a red flag went up in my mind and all emotion washed away. The emergency WFR training surfaced and I quickly calculated how best I could act. Should I run over and assist? Should I sit still? Should I yell what to do from across the room? No - I just sat quietly with my own arms and legs crossed and watched. I knew her colleague would catch her - everyone watched her. I what she was suffering from and realized there was nothing I could do but let the attack take its course. I knew we needed to give her some privacy and some space while she collected herself. So I did nothing.

Or was it that I was too scared to act in public? Getting in front of crowd is nerve racking - putting yourself out there, proclaiming you're the medical savior of the day and possibly looking like an ass is even harder. So I asked myself which one was it today? Was it the cold calculations of realizing that I could best serve by not getting in the way, or was I too scared to act?

I think, like most of the time, the answer is somewhere in the middle. I think I was scared and looking for a good excuse to sit back and do nothing, which is exactly what I found. I'd like to think that I am willing to jump into the fray if I'm needed, but it's not exactly what happened.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself? At least I know that I can act as needed - I did help Jon as best as I could according to the training I received when he was injured.

Oh well - I guess I'll know next time something like this happens.