Time lapse trauma response

This past weekend a bunch of us went out to Jtree (surprise surprise). But what was a surprise to me was this surge of nervousness being on a rope. This isn't your typical "I'm nervous about leading this route". No - this was "my mind is calculating 1000 scenarios a second about what ifs and worst case situations... while top roping/rappelling". This was definitely an irrational fear of climbing on a rope and having to trust the gear.

I know it's irrational because I've seen the statistics about climbing gear failures - astronomically low relative to the amount of use they see. But I keep envisioning the rope sawing across a sharp edge, or a bolt revealing itself to be a 1/4" piece of pro or any number of scenarios where I fall to my demise. Or worse yet - live but be permanently injured.

The only thing I can see is a combination of two factors. 1) Jon's injury nearly 6 months ago where he fell 20'. 2) An overactive eye for safety and potential injuries due to working in the outdoor education industry. I know Jon's fall wasn't directly due to my negligence. And I know the statistics are low. But that's why this is an irrational fear isn't it?

Talking to a few people, they tell me that it's not unusual that these things come in waves, and that these fears can be delayed. Still not much consolation... I think until I talk this thing to death (or find a climbing therapist) and the fear has subsided, I'm going to restrict my climbing initiatives to bouldering. I'm still willing to be a belay slave (although belaying is causing me some duress too) for the social aspects... but I think a hiatus is good till I get things sorted out.