How to open a coconut

These are the steps you take to open a coconut. I've personally tested and perfected them myself tonight:

1. shake coconut to confirm existence of milk
   
2. find a relatively heavy knife
   
3. find a steak knife, or other knife with a serrated edge
   
4. attempt to poke a hole with a knife (note: multiple pokes may be required)
   
5. attempt to open a hole with bare hands
   
6. give up both attempts and think of plan "C"
   
7. poke around while periodically shaving off the outside layers of fibers until reaching the hard shell
   
8. marvel at own genius as you find a naturally formed hole at the bottom of the coconut. Presume hole is formed by stalk. Stop thinking at this point and continue work.
   
9. drain of milk
   
10. once sufficiently drained, attempt to rip open coconut with burly climber fingers (if climber fingers are not handy, call local climber over. Entice with free coconut flesh)
    
11. when exhausted, poke around some more
    
12. strategizerize
    
13. find a hammer and attempt brute force method
    
14. become further exhausted
    
15. swear loudly and often
    
16. look up an easy way to get at coconut flesh/inside on google
    
17. impress girlfriend by confidently striking coconut around the circumference with the blunt end of heavy knife (opposite of the sharp side) until coconut loudly cracks in your hand. (impressing girlfriend is not guaranteed)
    
18. serve both halves of coconut in bowl and provide spoons
    
19. eat