Never spank a cranky wet bear...

... and never bike 12 miles hung over.

Yesterday was my first day to start biking to work. Although the sensible person would elect to take the bus from Solana Beach to UCSD, thereby skipping the effort of biking up the HILL OF DOOM (aka Torrey Pines Hill - a steep .5 mile to 1 mile stretch of road), I chose to bravely (stupidyly?) take it on. Leaving an hour before I was supposed to be at work, I figured if things got rough, I could always walk my bike up the hill.

Ok - so first off, I think I made this decision while drunk. I had so much beer the previous night that I lost count of pints of beer I drank after the 4th. That's a lot for me. And sometimes when someone gets THAT drunk, they wake up drunk. And when you wake up drunk, sometimes you don't realize you're drunk. And when you don't realize you're drunk, you make drunk decisions. That was me yesterday morning.

Second, I decided to start biking on the warmest morning to date in the year (according to a coworker who bikes to work as well). Let's briefly consider: drunk = dehydrated. Warmness = more dehydrated. Aerobic activity = dehydration. 'Nuff said.

So here I am at the foot of the hill. I switch gears slowly to make full use of my momentum. But after a quarter mile, I'm pedaling as best as I can in some of the lowest gears my bike has to offer. Did I mention there's no shade? Anyways, a third of the way up this hill, I decide to get off my bike and that's when it hits me: I'M HUNGOVER (it needed to be in caps to overcome the buzzing sound in my head). I spend the next few minutes dry heaving, then as I feel myself fighting the desire to blackout, I slowly set my bike against a "no parking" sign, sit down in the dirt next to the road and very purposefully dig around to find my nalgene. My entire body, but my hands especially, are quivering from the extreme dehydrated state I'm in. The thought of water sounded nauseating - another sign of extreme dehydration.

10 minutes and 6 bikers passing me later, I finally felt moderatly ok enough to try biking again. I was committed to this ride.

20 minutes after that, three more rests in the sun and walking my bike up about 200 yards, I was past the HILL OF DOOM.

But the adventure doesn't end there!

I biked the rest of Torrey Pines road to UCSD. Sweet sweet UCSD - "almost there" I thought. However, let me remind you again - I'm hungover and still slightly drunk. The speed of which I made that thought was more like "al.. moooooosssht... th... th.. ther.....e". The time it took me to think that should have been spent deciding if I was to make a right turn or go straight past a major intersection. So by the time the thought ended, I was in the middle of the right turn lane, holding up half a dozen cars, whose drivers were probably late to finals, and suddenly I found myself in Frogger like situation where I had to dodge irate drivers swerving around me to make the light. When the dust settled, I was forced to go straight and down a hill towards the I-5 freeway entrance.

"Oh crap - I don't want to turn around and go up this hill back to that intersection... hey, wait - the UCSD forest trails are coming up. I'll just take those to my lab!" (dodging cars sobered me up such that the speed of my thoughts were like "Oc - I don't want uphill - trail! ahead! going now!").

The ride through UCSD's eucalyptus forest where I used to run twice a week was fantastic. I forgot my hung over state and enjoyed the cool shade of the ride. It was the first time I was on a non-paved road with my mountain bike, so that was awesome. Nothing technical abou the trail, but I still had to stay focused on where to take my bike on the trail to avoid sandy spots, rocky points, etc. I was a little sad to see the trail end at an intersection in campus, by the Marshall Uppers Apartments.

When I emerged from the trees and up onto the the road, I was immediately greeted by the sight of UCSD... and the stench of raw sewage. Seems my tranquil bikes ride through a natural trail must end in the assaulting setting of urban concrete and rennovation of sewage lines 20' to my right. I think the smell is still stuck in my nostrils after 24 hours...

the rest of the ride was uneventful. Made it to the lab about 10 minutes late, took a quick shower downstairs in the bathroom next to where they keep the cadavers for the med students and went to work... where I suffered from occasional waves of nausea and hungover-ness.

The End.