Flight of the Courier

Played on "Flight of the Courier" yesterday at Black Mtn - a long time project of mine. Moves are powerful and pretty big: sit start on a sloper and a crimp, up to an underclinging pinch, reset the right hand crimp, bump to another underclinging pinch (with a plag as the key thumb), right heel hook and then the "flight" - a long move with the right hand to a key crimp.

After several attempts, I was able to do the "flight" move for the first time (from a stand start and not the full problem!!! doh!). It was almost too easy that one time I set my mind in the right framework to latch the hold. I haven't been able to do the move since.

I have to admit that latching the hold was pleasantly surprising - the usual feelings of sated joy welled up from within when I realized that I was able to expand the limits of climbing again. However, I wasn't ecstatic like I was on Pink Crack or Where Boneheads Dare - in fact, I was slightly troubled.

It's taken me all morning to work out why I was feeling somewhat concerned about being able to make such a hard move. I finally realized that what was bothering me WAS the mindset. To be able to make the move, I brought forth such an intense swirl of energy that it was overwhelming. After I physically set up for the "flight" I thought to myself: no falling. More than that, I recalled every ounce of frustration, anger, desire and hate that I could muster and focused it all into a perfect harmony of movement between my arms and legs to get to the key hold. In short, it was a burst of nearly murderous intent that flowed through me to get where I needed to go. What concerns me is that I'm capable of that level of passionionate energy.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense to anyone other than myself, even if the person reading this is a climber or not. Climbs at Black Mtn require a certain level of aggression and internal focus. I've just never been able to bring myself to that level before - I've never felt so intensely lost in my feelings, especially when they're directed towards a singular goal. I've never been so aggressively driven towards a single point that it's unsettling.

I want to climb Flight of the Courier again and explore my capacity for this level of mental focus again. I'm oddly terrified and strangely drawn towards this kind of self-exploration.