Bday comin' up

So my bday is coming up soon - Sept 23rd to be precise.

Tonight at an impromptu house party, people asked what I would do for it. I was stunned - it didn't really occur to me to do anything.

I've had bday parties before - cakes, presents... all of it - but the glamor of it has worn off. I remember enjoying nearly all of my bdays... I just don't remember specifics though. I remember Steph and Beck surprising me with an extra cam on my rack (I was confused - I thought I accidentally stole someone's cam that year), I remember my 7th bday party where I invited nearly 30 people. I also remember my 21st where I got drunk with a Native American ex-con. That was interesting. In hindsight, I wonder if that was the safest thing I could have done...

But I'm at a complete loss about what to do this year. It's not that I'm avoiding it or looking forward to it. I don't want to think about it.

I think, personally, I feel pressured in putting on a "party" or an event that will satisfy my friends. And I think this pressure is keeping me from wanting to think about my birthday. I don't want to let them all down so I generally don't think about it (my way of procrastinating). I just want to have a happy time, and I have that best when feeling free and spontaneous.

I think the best birthday present I could give myself this year is to climb a long standing project or to be in the "zone" all day climbing.

The frustrating part is that no one can give this to me. Not that it's frustrating that I can't receive it from an outside source; rather, it's frustrating b/c others become frustrated with me by giving them impossible gift ideas.

I wonder if others have this much inner turmoil over such a trivial date.

Spam... on blogger.com?

That's interesting - I got spammed here on this blog. Check the comment on the entry before this one. Total spam... that's new...

Stupid no-win scenarios

I think I quit the wrong job. The place I'm working for does pay better than REI but that's about it. so far, job satisfaction appears to be zero. plus I get no vacation time and I get no sick leave. For a climber - that sucks. no road trips for me for a while ... *sigh*. No retirement benefits either.

REI definitely also wins out on better work environment. People there at least seem not to mind their jobs - and the admin try to keep the place fun (outdoor industry people and their team games!!!). I've also got to dress up like a corporate lawyer...

Hopefully things will be better once we start running subjects. If it still sucks, maybe I should try working at A-16 for a while and quit the science industry altogether.

waaaaaahhh... man I complain too much.

Shortest job *ever*

I quit REI

after 13 hours of paid training, I quit. I chose to stick with VRMC for a job instead of delaying the inevitable (b/c I was slowly leaning towards them) and quit at 1:45 pm.

When I got to REI, the greeter at the door asked me if I had returns to make, seeing how I carried a brown paper bag with my REI vest and folder in it. I nodded and meekly answered "Yeah... sorta". He smiled, saying that he still needed to put a sticker on all items but when he saw what was in my bag, he lost his smile and looked at me with surprise. I just asked if the manager was in and went to "return" my items.

I could tell they were a little upset. Can't blame them. I would have been too if someone did this while I was manager.

Plus, even though I never made a verbal commitment that I'd stay for a few months, it all felt dishonest that I lead them on. They thought I'd stick around and be a contributing employee...

I should be ecstatic about working tomorrow (yes - tomorrow), but I'm really depressed and need a strong drink. Life is really weird sometimes - stranger than fiction for sure.

How did I get here?

all of a sudden I go from no jobs to two jobs. in the same week.

Most people are intelligent and would take one job or the other, with preference towards the full time job position but that's not me. Nope - I'm certifiably an idiot.

REI and VRMC has picked me up. REI's benefits and work atmosphere is incredible. Plus the idea of hanging out in what's basically a toy store for adults is awesome. But VRMC is a research position with slightly better pay. I don't know what the work environment is like, but I get the feeling it's not as interesting as REI.

If REI paid better, I think I would stay with them in a heartbeat. But as it stands, I don't know what to do other than to work both jobs for a couple of weeks and then figure out which one I like better.

Any suggestions?

Climbin!

Woo hoo!

finally - going out climbing today. Theresa should come buy and pick me up and then it's off to the Tramway to pull on some overhanging granite.

Will it be good for my shoulder? no. Will it be fun? yes. Is it "nameable fun"? yes. Can I throw some spaghetti into it's cryptobiotic soil structure? ... I refuse to answer that.

Hired!

Woo hoo!

As of yesterday, I'm officially an REI employee! That's exciting!

You know, I wasn't really interested in working in retail and contribute to the general capitalisitic consumerism that has gripped America, but REI is kinda fun. I've never looked forward to job training aka trail maintenance like that before.

I also didn't know that REI was on Fortune's top companies to work for - for every year Fortune magazine has put out their list. Their benefits package is a pretty sweet deal - more so than their prodeals.

Funny - I've never gotten this excited about a part time job. Especially one that deals with selling stuff for that matter. But then again, I like to talk about climbing gear - it's a toy store for adults afterall :)

Introspection #1: self-pity and frustration

Those two emotions are such an interesting set to expereince. First of all, unlike love or hate or fear, it's a much more ephemeral sensation. I can't point to a specific part of my body and say "this is where I feel it". Nor can I really describe the sensation as analagous to anything else. If anyone can, feel free to comment...

Why do I feel this way? Because it's so friggin hard to find a job! It seems to me that finding the "perfect" job is about as hard as finding the perfect significant other, or the perfect cilmbing partner.

*sigh*

If anyone needs me, I'll be online killing cyborgs and aliens with my battlerifle. Just look for the that's trying to motivate himself into killing ("you're not a bad player... go ahead... take that rifle and aim at that newbie's head.... pull the trigger and... perfect - a head shot! Now do it again to that annoying player in the pink armor with the southern accent")