yoo hoo! Sleep! Where are you???

It's currently 12:30 am and I'm looking at getting 5 hours of sleep tonight.

Seems like this week I've been averaging 4.5 hours of sleep each night - AND I WANT MORE!!!! Oh well. It's all been for good fun - and I have no regrets.

Sunday night: returned from jtree. After dropping all of my friends off and their gear, got home and went to bed at nearly 3 am.
Monday night: made some homemade chicken soup for a sick friend and dropped it off at her place. Chatted with her for a while, lost track of time and came home at a little past midnight. Didn't get to sleep till 2 am.
Tues night: Movie and dinner at Larry's as usual. Long movie, started late. after dropping a couple of friends off, got home past midnight *again*
Tonight: planning on going to bed at 9 pm but forgot that I promised a friend I'd help her re-write her personal statement for medical school. So here I am at 12:39 am, taking a much needed diversion to blog and then go back to looking it over.

Sleep? Who needs it? You can sleep all you want when you're dead anyways. It's not like lack of sleep will make you go psychotic or anything... (gleefully shining and sharpening collection of knives and swords in corner).

Birthday bashing! arrrggghh!

3 days in joshua tree for my birthday. Mmm... it's these simple pleasures that really put a smile on my face. Actually, it's seeing my friends happily climbing and having fun that really puts a smile on my face. For that my friends, thank you very much.

Didn't really climb hard this weekend - didn't really need to. Did a bunch of classic routes that I had never done / seen before, and that was what I was looking for. Aiguille de Joshua Tree, Solar Technology, Geronimo, Buisoneer's - all routes that I lead that I never lead before.

I wish I could say it was memorable, but that would be a partial lie. I apparently drank more alcohol than the rest of the group combined on sat night - as a result, there's a point from which Johnnie hugged me goodnight (probably around 10) to when my friends had to carry me to my tent (probabyl around 12 am). I have NO clue what happened, what I did, or what I said. I kept asking my friends what happened / what I said but the answer I consistently got was a slightly whimsical grin and the words "oh... there are pictures..."

muhy tohngu ith numb

Ba-Ren restaurant. one of my favorite restaurants in the san diego area - serving 80% authentic szechuan food at a reasonable price.

It was so wonderful to see the Republic again. Although we were a couple of bodies short of a full reunion, I liked the energy that these people exude. Hermana, Herr Fagerness, The Bastard and The Counselor... there was a moment when I leaned back in my chair and looked them all in the eye one after another, and for a split second felt "at home". It was a wonderful sense of comfort and respect I felt for these ladies.

The food itself was great as always. But my tongue has dissipated to a useless withered form of its oldself. my gullet has 3rd degree burns. My stomache is now bowing down to the might of the szechuan spices. My anus is going to curse me in another 8 hours. All for great flavor. Ahh... how like my outlook on romantic life right now: if the girl is worth it, I'm willing to put myself through ultimate pain to try and experience. :)

Obi's Black Mtn shuttle service, day 2

Final roundtrip service of Obi's Black Mtn shuttle service was today. The UCSD crew and I (Robb, Larry and Johnnie) all drove up together. We were a motley band, ready for battle - armed with coconuts, crashpads and chalk. The 3 C's, as I like to call it. Outfitted perfectly, we started the adventure.

Instead of our usual circuit, a request was made to go somewhere new. So we started with the lookout tower area. A relatively short walk up a hill to a new bouldering area was a great warmup to some of the problems we found. I haven't been to this area much so most of it was virgin for me - between the 4 of us, we managed to find some fun problems to ascend.

Not only that, but we came across a beautiful line up a prow of a tall boulder. I drooled. You see - with the previous day seeing the send of my last two projects, I was a little bummed. I didn't really know what else to cut my teeth on... till today. "Kracker Boy" - a gorgeous problem with big throws up high. There's a lot of subtle techinque I'll have to master before I can send this - pure brawn isn' going to help with the sloping holds and tiny crimpers. I'm ecstatic!

As for everyone's post battle carnage report, it more or less breaks down to people meeting or exceeding their goals:

Obi: sent Big Greeny and Flight of the Courier again. Not to mention a slew of random problems in the lookout tower area. attempted Kracker boy and managed to get half way up.

Johnnie: climbed two unknown problems - one of which was a subtle limit problem on slopers. made progress on an assortment of problems.

Larry (aka Mr not Not accident prone man): despite a shoulder injury, managed to get up an unknown problem. woo hoo!

Robb: progress on Boneheads, Kracker Boy, and a whole host of other problems. Sent an unknown number of unknown problems at lookout tower. Sent Big Greeny. Intrigued by Flight of the Courier.

Everyone had a "not-zero" weekend (meaning everyone walked away climbing at least one thing... most excellent!)

Obi's black mtn shuttle service, day 1

Left for black mtn at 8 am this morning, returned at 10 pm. Next shuttle service at 8 am tomorrow morning.

Yup, I'm doing two day trips. Why? I have two seperate and distinct crews that want to go to black mtn, and invariably, I'm the only person with a car that can do the last 6 mile dirt road up to boulder basin. Go figure.

It's fine - I like to drive. Besides, the couple of hours on the road gives me time to think anyways - even when I'm among friends, I can just sit back and "people watch", and blame my silence for having to pay attention to the road. I prefer listening to talking most of the time anyway.

As for black mtn today, it was myself taryn and erin. Steph couldnn't make it unfortunately. I would have liked to watch her crank on some black mtn problems - I'm curious to see how well she's climbing these days. After all, people always seem to climb stronger when single (I am... see below). I assume the same for her.

Taryn and Erin managed to send a summer project - flower pot right (V?) after some time. Celebration for that!

Myself? Not too shabby - sent Flight of the Courier (V6) and Big Greeney (V0), both loooooong time projects. The funny thing is that the attempt before the send, it already felt like I had sent them. There was this sort of calm and nonchalant mood within me that this was no big deal. As elated as I was to do them, they almost felt ... meaningless for some reason. Go figure.

On the brighter side, I wringed out all the negative vibes in me on my first half dozen attempts on flight of the courier - when I think back to the crap that was happening this week, it's not causing me any grief anymore.

And for big greeny, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, yet there was this central calm to the move. The last time I felt like that was the moments just before the last time I kissed a girl. :) Wonderful feelings being revisted.

I may have to try these two problems tomorrow.

cocooning

Going through some changes (no, not puberty you sick bastard). I feel like my energy is being pulled inward and reworking itself to rebuild. Events in my life are acting as a catalyst.

A thousand unspeakable thoughts each minute, with a deluge of emotional waves that I feel separeted from. My priorities, ethics, world views - it's all being touched. Who knows where I will go from here? Only time will tell.

what I desire

A wordless conversation. That's what I desire. Besides someone who I can mutually love (see previous post).

This is the point where you, the reader, become confused. I don't know if you've ever had those moments (and I'm not sure that simple words can capture the experience). I've had them once or twice.

My friend Chieko once was staying with me as she had her living situation sorted out. She was planning a several month language session in Mexico and was talking to her dad about both money and his blessing. That night she got neither. She broke down and cried. Mind you, this is a woman that I respect for her strength and preserverance through adversity. And at that moment, she was a seemingly small girl sitting on my studio floor with a dream that appeared shattered all about her.

I distincly remembered the long seconds where I stared at her with nothing but compassion for her. I went over to where she was sitting, sat beside her, leaning up against the bed that she too was leaning against, drew up my knees against my chest and hung my head beside her.

The first few moments, she stiffened - I wasn't really leaning into her or touching her, but I could feel it. Then she relaxed as she realized that with my presence, I told her that I understood. More than that - I felt like we were talking without even looking at each other. Later on she would comment how well I "handled" her and gave that night as a perfect example.

I also remember how when I was in college, I came home to my parents' shortly after a rough breakup. I remember slumping onto the floor of my room, filled with misery. Then, my dog came over from all the way across the house - I could hear him walk over. He came into my room, looked at me for a few seconds, then curled up beside me right before he put his head on my lap. He may have been a dog, but he was more compassionate and effective at showing it than half the people I've met in my life.

Finally, a friend of mine related to me how she and another friend both sat down and watched waves break under their ship. The two of them shared that moment with equal awe without a word and absolutely understood.

They say that if two Zen Masters meet, there really isn't any need for words and they enjoy their time in silence - but all the while understand each other completely.

I guess what I want is that silent intimacy in sharing the present moment. I spend so much time reflecting, thinking and chiseling out my discipline. I want that space where there is no opinion, no advice, no "right" or "wrong", nor any answers to any questions. This I cannot explain with words.

boredboardbouredboartbordt

Work is slow. Slow = work. when work slow, Obi = bored. therefore, boardt.

I think things will pick up for next week (hopefully!!!). in the meantime, I keep checking my chat programs every 5 minutes to see if there's someone new I can fully bug and annoy to pass the time. Currently: 0 people online. :(

As a side note, I'm a pretty boring person. I was thinking of things that I could do with friends after work and here's the list:

climb
eat
drink
play vid games
play board games

What the hell do "normal" people do???? I feel like I'm missing out on something. As far as I can tell, people will also:

go to bars
go to concerts
have sex (with 0-many partners...)
bowling

not really in the mood to do those. There MUST be something else people do on a weeknight...

Color Quiz part deux

I took this quiz over a year ago and decided to take it again to see the results.

Funny thing is - I feel like the one a year ago describes my current situation more so than this current result. But whatever - I'm posting this anyway.

Obi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Desires a conflict-free haven offering security an..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

intriguing rant by the left

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/163437715.html

san gorgoni-doh!

Alright, so I made it back from San Gorgonio just fine. It was a crisp 60 degrees while I was up there - for all of 30 minutes!!!!

Yes, that's right - I was there for 30 minutes. I woke my lazy ass out of bed at 5 am, got ready and then drove to the ranger station by 8:30 am. Unfortuantely, by the time I got there, there were no walk-in permits. Seems as though you can reserve all permits via fax. FAX. Dear god - they still accept faxes?! People still use those things?!

In any case, I mulled my predicament for 30 minutes in the parking lot while chewing on a cliff bar (closest thing I could say to being kinda granola for that day). I made a few phone calls to see what people were doing and considered between three options: a) go to jtree in clothing that was meant for more 50 and 60 degree temps when conditions in jtree were probably going to be in the 80's and 90's. b) Go to black mtn and boulder alone on 30' high ball problems. c) drive to huntington beach and face a social scene! gasp!

I went to Huntington Beach. I figured I should do something scary that day - if it wasn't backpacking solo, it would be facing friends from the past. Too bad it wasn't all that scary... it was nice seeing some old familiar faces and being an old fogey by playing board games and having a bbq.

Fortunately I had a chance to face my fears by driving at 10 pm from O.C. to SD with only 4 hours of sleep the night before. "the road is swerving.... oh wait... that's me... wheee!!!!!". Sleep deprivation: the poor man's hallucinogen.

Smart Person Quiz

a funny little quiz my friend Tj sent me a while back:

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The
questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have
answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?














The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple
things in an overly complicated way.




2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?












Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the
elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the
repercussions of your previous actions.







3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?











Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You
just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you
still have one more chance to show your true abilities.















4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you
do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
















Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been
listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This
tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.









According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers
got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively
disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a
four-year-old.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.

San Gorgonio

So if last weekend's brutal abuse of my body and psyche in the backcountry wasn't enough, I'm now planning a trip to San Gorgonio. Granted, I'm planning on leaving in 31 hours, which doesn' tgive me a lot of time to put things together.

So what's entailed this time? San Gorgonio, a 11.5k ft peak in Southern California via the Vivian Creek Trail. Day one: planning on hiking from 6k ft to just under 10k ft to High Creek camp (or something like that). Sleep, then push for a peak ascent by noon on Sunday, then come down to the car by the end of the day. Let's review the differences from last week and this week, shall we?

Last Week	This Week
Camped at 12,000 ft in the Sierras Carried my Arc'teryx Bora 80 pack - a nearly 5000 cu in volume pack for multiday excursions Went with two experienced and former wilderness guides Detailed topos and descriptions across beautiful flat trail with some talus Was looking to face my mortal fears and refresh my spirit	Camping at 10,000 ft in Southern California Planning on bringing along my Deuter pack - a 2500 cu in volume pack for weekend excursions Going alone Single topo map and some trail descriptions online across a 5000 ft ascent Need some alone time and face more demons

A few nights ago, Johnnie expressed some fear for me - that lately I've been striking her as suicidal. I laughed when she brought it up - far from it, I knew I'd be safe in the Sierras with my friends and I was looking for a way to learn more about myself (besides there's more than one kind of "death"). But looking at my plans for this weekend, I'm starting to wonder, and to be honest, I'm experiencing a tinge of fear that I didn't experience with the previous weekend. Oh well - I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm well acquainted with the signs of altitude sickness now and I know how quickly the symptoms can come on. I'll just turn around if it comes down to it to safer altitudes. I don't want to give that girl reason to take her worries seriously :)

Amusing generators...

Haiku2 for climbingob
everyone and their car in one fell swoop he can triple his gear
@ aboutmylife.netblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

Death? Sorta accomplished

Successful return from Bear Creek Spire! Did we climb it? Hell no - let's review the ironic death my friends have dubbed upon my soul:

Obi will die a horrible death on the APPROACH to a climb due to altitude

I didn't die, but I nearly made my ironic death come true - I got altutide sickness, and fairly bad by day 3. I'll break it down for you:

Fri night, arrived in Bishop and stayed at friend's house.
Sat morning, leisurely got up and drove to Mosquito Flats Trailhead and hiked into Dade Lake. Was feeling tired, headachy, and a little dizzy. Set up camp, ate some pasta, cheese, etc. and went to bed.
Sat night woke up with ringing headache.
Sun morning, alarm goes off at 5 am, I tell the party (there's 3 of us) that I don't think I can climb today with how weak and headachy I feel. We all decide to sleep in and play it by ear. A couple of hours later, some breakfast and some cheezits (thanks for the advice on that one Adam - saved me!), felt better so we all decided to take some gear and the ropes with us and try the approach to the base. If we still felt good, we'd do at least part of the climb that day. By noon, we reached the base and we were scoping out the 3rd/4th class approach to the bottom of the 1st pitch, etc etc. After looking around for a while, I felt the headache coming back, and fast - so I told the party and we started making our descent back to Dade Lake. But not before we hid our gear in case we felt good enough to come back tomorrow. The rest of the afternoon was spent with me cowering in the shade from the sun (too much UV too, despite a double application of sun screen), and just slumping over my backpack. That night, the headache was the worst I've ever had in my life - despite going to bed at 5 pm, I was tossing and turning from the pain till 1 am when I got up, took some ibuprofen and went to sleep - figured I needed rest somehow. At 4 am I sat up again and threw up (mind you, I haven't thrown up in 15 years... at least I have a good story to explain why I broke my streak). By 5 am I told the party my condition and we agreed we should descent when it got light.

So that was my weekend. I still had a blast :) It's an awesome view and a great place to be. Plus I enjoyed the experience of backpackign in - still only my 4th trip so far ever. And sort of havint the experience of altitude sickness to that level was sooo cool (yes, I'm weird that way). It was kinda cool taking notes as to how I felt physically and cognitively as the days worn on.

So did I die? Sorta - there were parts of my psyche that I left behind. In a sense, I was reincarnated. Also, I let myself believe that I was dying during the few hours after I threw up to really give myself a chance to realize if I regretted anything in this life or anything that I felt was unfinished business. Awesome opportunit for it too since I knew it wasn't a very significant probability.

As a side note, I find it funny that my friends believe that I have a death wish or that I harbor suicidal ideations. Not at all - I'm more interested in using the thought of death to give me the light to live my life fuller each day without regrets, fears or sadness :). To quote Tyler Durden: "we had a near-life experience!"

I've had a couple of epiphanies this week - both about the same deal.

I hate holding myself back to express my thoughts / feelings.

Earlier this week, Steph and I chatted on the phone - not to get some random information about leases and bills, or about whether the other person could return things, but really conversed. And it was wonderful - for some reason, I broke down and just honestly told her everything that was on my mind about us, life, etc. It was like an emotional enema, but not nearly as messy. And in case you're wondering, I did NOT do the classic ex-boyfriend thing of "*sob sob*, we were so good - let's get back together".

In a few other instances I decided to be honest and blunt instead of trying to be careful with my words and it seems like it paid off just fine. The best part was that my steps felt a little lighter and I was happier. Once I came to accept that I didn't care about the results of my honesty - but rather that the process of being honest was much more important, Life was easier.

And then on the flip side, I had a couple of moments where I *did* care about the outcome of what I was thinking or what I might have wanted to do (i.e. just yelled at a friend that they were being stupid for doing something, but knew they might take it too personally). And then the stress is there again. Even though I feel like in some of these situations the choices I made to hold back my tongue led to the best long term situation for all parties, I'm ashamed to admit that there's a small bit of me that regrets. It's sometimes hard knowing whether to hold myself back, or to take a chance, step forward out of my normal self and reveal what I really was thinking or wanted to say.

two things from this: 1) I'm thinking too hard about it all - I'm sure with the trip to the mountains, I'll come back rejuvenated and refreshed 2) I think I'm takin life for granted - it's the man who knows that everything is about to die and realizes that life is impermanent that fully enjoys everything life has to offer. "Treat each moment, person and situation as if you will die. Say and do as if you will never ever see that moment, person or situation again" my friend Chieko used to say. Ahh... where is she now in times like this?